My obsession with trying to please you only grew until I was unable to recognize the porcelain doll in the mirror.
She had tears so full of frustration that she was able to mimic the picture of a watercolor painting.
This is the Aleeya I don't like.
All the years, months, and weeks filled with regrets resurface to my memory within minutes and I am unable to stop replaying them.
This is the moment where I forget my self worth and all that I did to earn it.
Someone told be I should stop apologizing and take up space, but this apology is long overdue.
This final apology is to you, my heart, for I have abandoned you too many times
I have let visitors come into our home, tracking mud on the floor without even asking if you wanted company.
I did not stop them from laying their feet on the coffee table, nor did I shout when they would rock the wooden chair, even though I knew the right leg was unstable.
The most important part of it all is that I let some overstay their welcome and that's time I cannot give you back.
I am not fully okay yet, but this is my first step to recovery,
By letting go I can discover how it feels to be alright again.
I will rise when the sun does
I will write about my hopes and dreams
I will dive back into my passion, even when rejection or failure knocks at my door
And when they do, I will welcome them with open arms, open heart, and remind myself that these feelings are temporary.
This is the Aleeya I love.
The only arms I need to hold myself at night
And the other, well, that is the part of me, I will strengthen to keep moving forward.